It felt a little strange while stepping out of the house this time around, may be because everyone around me was standing with a smile. Their momentary happiness had cast a shadow over the frightful thought that I might never have what I had and that everything I ever grew up knowing was about to change. Sometimes you feel you are ready but truly you never are, no matter how much everyone around you strives to make you believe so.
With all those thoughts gobbling around my mind I take a leap of faith, thinking that if everyone can, so can I – I will make it. But there are always moments in life when you override your logic knowing fully well how it has loyally stood by you in times of despair. It is sometimes alright to make a wrong choice but crucial to be certain about making one.
In our years of growing up we are always told by our parents to stand up for ourselves, to do what is right, to work hard and leave the rest to God. But when we finally start putting our years of practice into play, we are handed over a whole new set of rules to live by. Rules like standing up for ourselves but taking care that others aren’t hurt in the process, to do what is right but in the eyes of others and to work hard being mindful of the end result.
We become less of ourselves and more of what people perceive us to be. We stop living for things we enjoy the most and start doing things that people might enjoy watching of us. If god crafted each one of us in a unique way, we surely ruined all of it by trying to be a certain way.
We’ve set someone on the pedestal and started walking blind, we forgot that along the way we all had emotions of our own kind. Unwillingly we accepted what was thrown at us, even though we were fully aware that the rationale said otherwise.
Even today we are fighting the same old fight, to begin with for us there was no respite. The rules of the fight have certainly changed, once who was immolated is today offered to stay. All that is expected of her is to engage in the theatrics of the play. A play staged out basis the preferences of society, with a vital role for her to play. She has to offer all that she has but being acknowledged is something she is supposed to keep at bay.
She has to leave her parents that brought her in this world, step out of the house that was her life’s worth, she has to accept a name that doesn’t belong to her, be daughter to parents she isn’t sure are hers. She has to do all that and do it like a pro because if she fails she will be blamed by her friends and foe.
But there’s no fear as she has been doing that not since days and years but since ages ago. She has skillfully mastered the art of dissolving herself and being the perfect catalyst long long ago.
We live in precarious times, but don’t worry this isn’t true for everybody as it is just for a section of people who are entrusted with it. They are the ones who are bestowed with the responsibility of being the custodians of nurture & care, of pride & trust without compromising on proving their worth. ‘Worth’ what really is the definition of it, according to what I have witnessed, a man’s worth is proved if he is able to provide for his family & a woman’s if she is able to grow & nurture it. Going by the economics of things ‘worth helps in determining value’, but in the real world of beings, do we really assign value for what’s worth? Well not in my opinion & just to prove it to you, look around and observe — at how many places the nurturer who gives in time for her family, who gives up her dreams, her career, her expectations of how her life should be like is really valued for it?
She is more often than not taken for granted for all that she has done because technically it is her ‘duty’. For all you know she is not even given the amount of respect she deserves later in life as she has far done her duty of nurture & care and no one really needs it anymore. So what happens later in life is that the provider of the house gets all the importance, he is invariably the decision maker because he for all practical purposes is more aware of the world outside while she was involved with the house. The invisible baton in this relay of life is always held by the groom & not the bride, by the husband and not the wife.
Our dear girl here first seeks approvals from her parents because they hold the baton of her life. Once married, the baton is passed on from her parents to the new set of parents that have arrived. When the new parents can no more hold on the baton, it invariably gets passed to her husband because patriarchy gave him this right. And at the end of it all she is left with asking for approvals, seeking permissions, following rules & doing everything that’s right. Because after all she is a ‘girl’ right!
It is easier to resonate with this thought because more often than not we see the same around. Days fade away and so does she, first under the vice of being the pride of her family and then of the others. It’ s not the burden but the onus we bestow her with, we ensure that she crumbles just too well underneath.
We ensure she gives all that she has and a little more that she is blessed with. When all of it is over we still try to dig deeper hoping to find something. But all that we find is dirt in our hands, for she is not someone who would keep things to herself. She was born a giver and a giver she stands, for she is not the one to withdraw from her own banks.
She gives away smiling all that you ask, she does it so that you could go ahead and make your mark. She is given different names and she adorns them all. For some she is a daughter, for some a mother, a sister, a wife, she is the best gift of life. She is all that and more, but above all, she is a woman with a beautiful soul.