It felt a little strange while stepping out of the house this time around, may be because everyone around me was standing with a smile. Their momentary happiness had cast a shadow over the frightful thought that I might never have what I had and that everything I ever grew up knowing was about to change. Sometimes you feel you are ready but truly you never are, no matter how much everyone around you strives to make you believe so.
With all those thoughts gobbling around my mind I take a leap of faith, thinking that if everyone can, so can I – I will make it. But there are always moments in life when you override your logic knowing fully well how it has loyally stood by you in times of despair. It is sometimes alright to make a wrong choice but crucial to be certain about making one.
In our years of growing up we are always told by our parents to stand up for ourselves, to do what is right, to work hard and leave the rest to God. But when we finally start putting our years of practice into play, we are handed over a whole new set of rules to live by. Rules like standing up for ourselves but taking care that others aren’t hurt in the process, to do what is right but in the eyes of others and to work hard being mindful of the end result.
We become less of ourselves and more of what people perceive us to be. We stop living for things we enjoy the most and start doing things that people might enjoy watching of us. If god crafted each one of us in a unique way, we surely ruined all of it by trying to be a certain way.
We’ve set someone on the pedestal and started walking blind, we forgot that along the way we all had emotions of our own kind. Unwillingly we accepted what was thrown at us, even though we were fully aware that the rationale said otherwise.
Even today we are fighting the same old fight, to begin with for us there was no respite. The rules of the fight have certainly changed, once who was immolated is today offered to stay. All that is expected of her is to engage in the theatrics of the play. A play staged out basis the preferences of society, with a vital role for her to play. She has to offer all that she has but being acknowledged is something she is supposed to keep at bay.
She has to leave her parents that brought her in this world, step out of the house that was her life’s worth, she has to accept a name that doesn’t belong to her, be daughter to parents she isn’t sure are hers. She has to do all that and do it like a pro because if she fails she will be blamed by her friends and foe.
But there’s no fear as she has been doing that not since days and years but since ages ago. She has skillfully mastered the art of dissolving herself and being the perfect catalyst long long ago.